The Misadventures of a Paladin and a Rogue
by starfruit-kitten
Summary: No matter where you are or who you're with, nothing ever goes as planned. This particular outing of Monochrome and Artix happens to be the perfect example of that. Warning: this is hopefully considered to be a crack story. Dying of laughter may not necessarily occur.


**Disclaimer: I do not own DragonFable of any of it's characters. It belongs to Artix Entertainment. (the rogue is mine though, so back off!)**

**Note: I was very bored when I wrote this, so I'm sorry if it's not all that funny.**

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"Are we there yet?" The young Rogue asked for the thousandth time.

The brown haired Paladin smiled down at the rogue, "as I said before, you'll know when we're there."

The two heroes had been walking for nearly three hours now. Within the first ten minutes of their journey to wherever, they'd fought off numerous gangs of bandits, sneevils, gorillaphants, and the odd hero-crazed banshee-like fangirl. They were currently traversing one of the many blue-green enchanted forests in Lore and attracting numerous glares from some fairy folk.

"Oh, come on!" The shorter Rogue complained. "Artix, can't you at least tell me _where_ we're going?"

Artix continued to smile. "If I told you, you'd come up with some excuse not to accompany me."

_Artix the Kind Paladin my foot!_

The Rogue stopped walking. "We're going to slay the undead again, aren't we?"

"You know me all too well, Lady Monochrome." The Paladin laughed, not noticing the Rogue was no longer following him.

Monochrome sighed, "I told you, my name's just Monochrome. MO-NO-CHRO-ME. Why does everyone keep calling me 'Lady' anyway? I'm still a kid!"

"Well, you are a girl," Artix snickered.

"I may be a girl," Monochrome sped towards the Paladin, "but as far as I'm concerned, I'm a rogue, and a pretty good one at that." She jokingly flipped her long black and white hair in an arrogant manner.

"That is why it is always an honor to exorcise the undead with you, the youngest and most recognized hero in all of Lore."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, but thanks." She smirked, marching past Artix. "I might as well join you in this battle. I don't have anything better to do here anyw—"

KA-CRASH! "…Unh…"

Monochrome looked back at Artix, who appeared to have tripped over a small rock and was laying face first on the ground. His rear was sticking up quite a bit, and his long crimson cape was draped over his head.

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen…"

xXxXx

"Hey, Artix," Monochrome glared up at the Paladin. "We're lost aren't we?"

Artix jumped down from the boulder and made his way to the log Monochrome was sitting on. The sky was starting to become quite dark.

"That's one way of putting it," he held out his hand to the Rogue, who reluctantly took it, and helped her up.

"So we ARE lost," Monochrome growled, flicking a small spider off her white leather armor. "You don't have a map of the area either, do you?"

"Nope," Artix beamed. His deep brown eyes were literally shining with hope and optimism. "But I'm sure we'll find our way to the undead soon!"

"You can't be serious!" Monochrome snapped.

"Of course I am, though with our luck, the undead will likely find us…"

"Artix, we're lost, we have no map, it's late, and you're STILL thinking about the undead!?"

The Paladin knit his eyebrows. "You're right… we should try to get out of this forest…"

"How?! We don't even have a map! It's not like one will just appear out of nowhere!" She threw her arms up exasperatedly.

FWAP!

Something flew into the Rogues face, obstructing her vision completely.

"AAH! Getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgeti toff!" She panicked, running around like a maniac, flailing her arms wildly.

THUNK!

Monochrome ran head fist into the Paladin's solid armor and fell to the ground.

Artix facepalmed.

Monochrome groaned, "ow… that REALLY hurt!"

Artix picked up the large tan paper that lay pressed against the rogue's dark face. "Wow, an incredibly specific and not at all suspicious map of the forest! We're in luck, Lady Monochrome!"

"Great… so can you tell where we are? And possibly if there's a town or something nearby?" Monochrome forced a smile, still lying on the ground. Her heard was throbbing with pain from her run-in with the Paladin's unnaturally hard armor. She gingerly ran her fingers over the welt on her forehead. "Agh!" It stung terribly.

"I would cover that wound if I were you… to prevent future injuries… to your head… not just because it sticks out like an archery target or anything…" the Paladin continued to ramble on.

Monochrome stared up the heavily clouded sky. The forest was starting to darken, but not by the lack of sunlight. There was only one explanation for this: DOOM with a fifty percent chance of the undead. Monochrome sure hoped the Paladin hadn't noticed it yet, otherwise they'd be spending the next week zombie hunting!

"There's a comb in my backpack." Monochrome loudly interrupter Artix's ranting. "Could you please hand it to me?"

"It would be an honor," Artix smiled, bowing his head slightly.

He casually strode towards the rogue's small black bag. It was only about the size of both his fists, so how hard could it be to find one little comb?

Reaching in, the Paladin pulled out a pair of long daggers with translucent purple blades. Setting them aside, he reached in again. This time, he caught hold of a silk-wrapped hilt, and pulled it out. It was a large ash coloured sword, almost as tall as Monochrome, with a wide blade and magenta engravings. How was this even possible?

After pulling out another six weapons, many bottles of various poisons, and a massive brick of butter, Artix finally found the comb. The only problem was that his arm was completely submerged in the tiny bag, and he couldn't grab hold of the comb.

"I wonder…" Artix pulled his arm out of the backpack and flipped it over.

Nothing.

"Huh… this is much harder than I thought it would be…"

Monochrome sighed. "Just give it here, I'll get it myself."

Hopelessly confused by the puzzling bag, the Paladin handed it to the Rogue.

She reached in up to her wrist and pulled put a black semi-circle comb. How did she do that?

"Remind me to NEVER send a Paladin to do a Rogues job," she sighed as she brushed some hair over to the left side of her face. "So, about the map…. where are we?"

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**Thanks for reading! Reviews are optional, but appreciated. I might write another part to this, since it wouldn't be fair to just leave them lost, but I have no ideas yet. A suggestion or two would be nice. (hint hint)**


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